Imagine the unenviable cruelty of growing up in a country without redwoods.
Keep the change, it makes me uneasy.
Genuinely terrible art is the most democratic.
I light up near young mothers because I’m anti social smoking.
I’m contractually obliged by the contents of my genes to stare at your legs.
I want all those who have used me recreationally to rate me favourably.
All enquiries should be directed to my agent.
You can reach him by calling my number.
When calling, ensure you ask for my agent clearly and quickly so I can “do a voice”.
Deputise your loneliness.
Demand help for guitar heroes.
Spoil yourself this summer.
I don’t eat dead meat.
I’ve bitten my nails to the quick.